Everything I ever wanted
by dohagrl
Summary: Why is it that the one thing you want, is always the one you can t have. Will bw able to get everything she ever wanted? My Toys for Tots Christmas Wishes Donation. o/s AU/AH


So hi….I don't know how to begin this, do I say welcome and thanks for reading my story? I guess I should probably just start from the beginning. Well, here it goes. So I guess everything starts with the event that got me to write this; the moment that definitely broke my heart, but I'm getting a little ahead of myself here, so I'm going to rewind a bit and tell you all the events that got me here in first place.

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><p>I have known my best friend since I can remember; our mothers have been friends for a long time. And the best thing about this is that they bought houses next to each other, so you see for these reasons, Edward and I have done pretty much everything together. Every time I need to talk or just some company, I can cross my yard and knock on his window. No matter what he is up to, he never gets mad—even if wake him—and it´s the same for him.<p>

So everything sounds amazing right? Two little kids growing up together, becoming best friends and what not. So you may wonder why I am even writing this….well you see even if there is a good side to this…the best as I said before, because I have gotten to know an amazing person, who I consider, and considers me, a friend. There is also the bad side. Because even though he is my best friend in the world, who knows all my moods and little quirks; there is something he definitely does not know.

I think I was five when I first realized this. We had been playing every single day together that summer, we liked to get messy; running around, playing in the dirt, everything you can think two five year olds can do and end up dirty. I was never afraid of anything, much less getting dirty. I think that was one of the reasons why we got along so well. Having a brother like Emmet taught me that the messier the task is, the better time you have.

But I'm getting off topic here, so as I was saying it was in one of those summer days that I realized I couldn´t and wouldn´t live without Edward. On this particular day, the weather man announced an uncommonly hot day. My mother hated—and when I say hated, I mean really _hated_—putting me in dresses. Cause I most likely ended up ruining them beyond repair. And as for me, well it was the same kind of hate but for a whole other reason, as you may gather now. I was a tomboy in that time, so wearing a dress was a no-no to me. But, on this ungodly hot day we had no other option but to endure.

So that day I went out searching for Edward with instructions not to play with dirt at any costs. When I got to the place where both our gardens joined I saw little Edward playing with his trucks on the dirt with just an overall on. I was jealous because he didn´t have to watch every little thing he did so as not to ruin his clothes.

Only I didn´t have to worry about that at all, because—and here comes another typical Bella trait and I'm not kidding or exaggerating by telling you that this happens more often that I'd like to admit—I tripped on nothing but air and landed on my face and knees; don't even ask me how I managed that because I don't even know. I ruined my dress and of course as any five year old I started wailing like there was no tomorrow.

Now for the next part of my little tale here, you would think my mom came running at the speed of light to see what happened right? Wrong! You see and I hope you are not surprised by this little piece of information, because yeah with what I have said so far I practically told you that Edward and I where joined at the hip or something, but my mother had no way of calming my cries for nothing. So she didn´t even bother anymore and allowed Edward to do the job. Edward had—and still has—these ways of making every problem seem insignificant and making everything better all at the same time.

So at hearing me cry, he got up from where he was playing and came over to me to help stand up. Then proceeding to wipe away my tears with his thumbs. I really don´t remember exactly what he said to me, because I was five for God´s sake, but he made me smile and forget all about my fall. So imagine this cute little picture of two kids smiling with their noses and foreheads pressed together, and _that_ is the moment I'm talking about. You know the one I was talking about—the moment I realized that Edward was it for me. That day, my little five year old self knew, I was marring Edward some day.

Too bad that´s not how things work out, right? Because if that was the case I wouldn´t be here, trying to tell you what the point of this whole story is.

So as you have assumed by now, the one thing Edward doesn´t know about me is that since I was five years old I've been completely, irrevocably, and helplessly in love with him, even if at that age I really didn´t had a good concept of what love was.

As we grew up, Edward and I remained best friends, but we had totally different interests, which resulted in us having different kinds of friends.

Edward is your typical all-American boy; popular, quarterback, and captain of the football team, and of course that can´t never go without the skanky girls trying to get his attention.

And as for me well, I'm the typical moody, gloomy artistic type. I´m not popular, but do have friends, and how may you wonder I ended up being artist? Well let me tell you, a few years ago my brother, Edward, and I decided that we were going to form a band. Emmett was our drummer boy; I had the guitar and Edward the vocals. Well long story short it didn´t work out, Emmett completely sucked at the drums and Edward had a nice voice until a month later he hit puberty and his voice got all awkward. But this little adventure made me discover my passion for the guitar and singing, who would have known clumsy, awkward me had a singing voice? But that's how I ended mixing in the artsy crowd.

So you see his sphere and mine didn´t mix, he had his friends, and I had mine. But we still remained close. He talked to me at school, said hi, and all that. When someone was being mean to me he defended me and made them know I was not a person who they should mess with.

His friends never understood why in God's name he would even bother with someone like me, and my friends never understood how I could be friends with someone so different from me.

But all our differences were what made us get along so well, we completed each other. Up until this point the entire school though Edward and I were a ¨thing¨. But surprise, surprise, around the age of fifteen, our little golden boy set his eyes on the new exchange student from Russia, Irina. Irina was a beautiful, perfect girl, with blue eyes, blonde hair and boobs which were something the boys took into account at the time. It was this event that made everybody –me included-realize that Edward really only saw me as a friend.

Edward and Irina, were envied by all. Girls envied Irina because she managed to snatch the cutest guy in high school, and the boys envied Edward for the same reason, he was the boyfriend of the prettiest, sexiest girl in school. They were perfection epitomized.

But we should know by now, nothing is perfect. On the outside they were the perfect couple, but I knew better. Since Edward started dating Irina, a spark in his eyes just went out. And then two months later he found out she was cheating on him, they broke up and that missing spark returned. So his first relationship didn´t work out, but that doesn´t mean he didn´t had more girls.

Next up was Kate. Pretty, blonde hair, hazel eyes, and again, perfect. But perfect didn´t last long, and they broke up four months later. Next was Renata, blonde hair, hazel eyes, sexy as hell, and again, perfect, they too didn´t last long. By this point I had my first boyfriend, Jacob. Jake was the son of my father´s best friend Billy they lived not far from where we lived. And I had known him maybe as long as Edward. He was a nice kid, smart, kind, all in all a really happy easy going guy. Too bad I didn´t see him for more than just my friend. In the end he became my confidant in the Edward situation.

He noticed my infatuation with Edward, and declared it as the reason our "relationship" didn´t work out. You see every time I'm near Edward, the whole world disappears, and I can't see, hear, or even care about other people. So we decided we were better as friends, even if he still carried a crush for me time after the breakup. But soon he realized he could only see me as a friend too. The day he realized this was the day he met Leah.

Leah was the daughter from another of my father´s best friends. She was kind of difficult, opinionated, and stubborn, but their relationship really worked and I became a really good friend of hers. At this point, I have to add that I started writing really gloomy romantic songs in regards of my feelings for Edward.

These songs talked about unrequited, secret love. Edward heard a couple of them and thought that they were talking about Jake. If only he knew the truth. As you may have seen by know I brought this on myself. I could have done a lot of things differently. I could have just grown the balls I needed in order to just tell Edward my feelings.

And why didn´t I just pulled my shit together and confessed to Edward my feelings, you may wonder? Tell him how I have felt for years now and all that. Well let me let you in on a secret…you see, the week I was planning on telling Edward the truth and confessing everything, he came up to me and told me we needed to talk, and that he would come over that afternoon.

Well I thought this was the perfect opportunity to come out and say it. So I psyched myself and came with this whole large speech detailing everything. Only I didn´t get to give my speech. Because the moment Edward was in front of me he blurted that he had met someone, and thought that he had finally got it right.

Now let me tell you that although Edward had gone out with a lot of girls, never had I heard him say this, so I once again zipped my mouth and became the best friend he needed.

Every time I saw him I faked a smile, every time he talked to me I had to fake enthusiasm and pretend to care about whatever he had to say about Tanya. Now Tanya…what can I say? She is beautiful. She has really deep, blue eyes, a dazzling smile and of course, blonde hair. I envied her. I envied her looks, her charisma, her popularity, but most of all, I envied her because she had everything that I had to live without. Edward.

Sometimes I wondered if Edward knew something, because on certain occasions when we were together I would catch this look in his eyes that was different. Which made me question if I was hiding what I wanted and needed well enough for him not to notice.

Even though he was all I thought about at night, and had written like a complete notebook of songs regarding my feelings, I pretended each day at school. I pretended not to care, not to notice.

There were times when I saw him that made me question if I was doing a good enough job. Because when I saw him I suddenly lost the ability to breathe on those ocassions I really hoped he hadn't noticed cause I was really obvious in my opinion. When he was passing by, he would look over his shoulder every single time and give me this beautiful smile. That stupid smile gave me hope that maybe someday he would see me as more than just his friend and reciprocate my feelings. That smile alone was the reason for many sleepless nights and a lot of inspiration for songs.

Days passed, and then those days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. And we were nearing the end of the year—our graduation—which meant prom too. And I had decided that since I was obligated to go to prom even if it was just for a few hours, I was going to do something so I could endure it.

So I decided to sing at prom. I had spent weeks practicing and debating which song would be most appropriate for the occasion, so I got in a funk as i often do with my music, and of course any and all life outside this didn´t exist for me.

So imagine my surprise when I learned that Edward and Tanya had broken up days before prom. I saw this as the best opportunity for me to tell Edward everything.

So this gets us to the point in my life that brought me here in my room with ruined makeup sitting in front of my computer and telling you all of my little story. Because you see this all sounds romantic as shit and all that—me singing at prom for Edward and him realizing everything. And really everything was going so great, wonderful, fantastic.

I dressed super special, put some make up on, and was ready to kick some serious ass.

I got to the party and mingled a little. Talked here, and there, until it was my time to go up on the stage. I took a deep breath, sat down and started playing and singing my song all the while looking at Edward straight in the eyes, I sang only for him.

My song was beautiful, meaningful, and simply every little secret that my heart held.

When I was done, I saw Edward trying to make his way towards me, but the teachers decided that, that was as good time as any to announce the king and queen of prom. Edward's name was called with Tanya's, which made it impossible for Edward to talk to me. So that left me in the corner of the room watching Edward and Tanya receive their crowns and start their dance as king and queen.

So now comes the event that propelled me to be here. Right in the middle of the dance, Tanya and Edward kissed.

I thought he understood the meaning of the song, I could see it in his eyes as he listened. So imagine my surprise when i saw this.

The moment that happened I saw it as a way of him letting me know he was in no way interested, so I ran. I ran from my life, my problems, and of course Edward and Tanya, the perfect little couple.

When I got home I put on a brave face, answered the few questions my parents had until they let me go and be by myself. And it wasn´t until the moment I was in my bedroom that I let everything go and started to cry. I cried, and cried, and then cried some more. I cried because that was exactly what I was trying to avoid all those other times I didn´t tell Edward my feelings—I didn´t wanted a broken heart to be the result of all that. But that was exactly what I got for opening my big mouth, and the worse thing was that I did it publicly.

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><p>You know how some times you think you fooled your parents when something is up? You pretend like it didn´t happened, and think they believed you, but somehow they know?<p>

Especially moms, they just know when something is up with their kids and you can´t fool them! It´s really frustrating i tell you. My mom has been at my door at least five times asking if everything is okay. I told her I just needed to be alone, in a not so kind way.

so when she realized that I was in no way able to apretiate what she was doing for me she just backed off and let me have my space. She let me wallow in my misery for a bit.

So…now I'm currently sitting at my desk with my makeup running down my face. My eyes are red and swollen, complemented by a snotty nose. This is the story of the one and truly heartbreak I have ever gone through, and you know what really really sucks about this situation? That I can´t even go to my best friend and talk this out, because he is the reason for this.

I'm starting to plan damage control and a way to just get over it. I know everyone at school saw my performance, and Tanya and Edward´s for that matter, but the good thing was that not once did they saw me breakdown and cry, so in my opinion they don´t know what just transpired in my room, and I can go up there Monday morning and pretend that didn´t happen.

Now the tricky part is going to be for me to forget and be my normal self with Edward.

As I'm here brainstorming ideas to maybe just avoid Edward altogether for the remaining of school year—which is going to be quite the task by the way considering he lives next door—my mother knocks yet again in my door. I decide to just put her out of her misery and let her in, so I open the door to my bedroom and when she comes in, only to give me the worst news that could have possibly been handed to me.

Yeah you guessed it….Edward is downstairs on the porch waiting for me, and my mother agreed fand is currently pushing for me to go there and talk to him because as I said before, for her _he is the only one who can do something for me when I´m down._

So I get out of my stupid dress, clean my face and make my way downstairs to tell Edward everything is fine and to leave me alone. I open my door and when he sees me his face breaks into this gorgeous stupid smile, and he looks like I just gave him a million bucks or something and just makes it harder for me to not to stay mad and pretend like nothing happened.

Just as I'm about to tell him to just go home and not feel guilty, because it´s not his fault his friend, went an fell for him. He starts walking towards me covering the distance between us, and just like all those years ago, puts his nose and forehead against mine and says "It´s you, Bella. It´s always been you,I´m so glad you finally realized we were just meant to be" and proceeds to kiss me.

You know that typical romantic kiss in the movies that seals the deal and makes everything better kiss? That one kiss that makes you wish you were on the recieving end of it, so you could feel the love and happiness it reflects.

Well that´s the one kiss I received in that moment, that kissed had just the abillity to curl my toes and make an explosion of butterflies start in my stomach. And just like that everything got better, I found out that the person I´ve ben crushing since i can remember reciprocates my feelings. And I can honestly say i have never felt this before.

Now I know he knows and feels the same way; and just like that he fixeed my broken heart and gave me everything I ever wanted, making me a really happy girl.

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><p>AN

Hope you liked it. Just wanted to say thanks to my wonderful beta PerAmore91 without her this wouldn´t be as readable as is it now. Gracias chica!


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